With Shirley Beall
by Sam Regi
In a special online session, we recorded Shirley’s story—a journey of identity, resilience, and reunion. Adopted as a baby in South Africa, Shirley always carried questions about her origins, and decades later, a single Facebook post during the COVID-19 lockdown reconnected her with her birth mother, brother, and sister. But finding family was just the beginning. In this interview, she reflects on the emotional complexities of navigating two identities, the warmth of her adoptive upbringing, and the challenges of meeting a mother who, while acknowledging her, struggled to embrace their newfound connection.
Press play to listen to an extract from the conversation with Shirley.
"I brought them out of that shell, out of that cave and brought them into the sunlight and empower them to believe that they could actually achieve things," - Shirley Beall on teaching adult literacy.
Interview with Shirley Beall
Your story is deeply personal and extraordinary. Can you share how your journey of reconnecting with your birth family began?
On the 8th of May, 2020, I was on Facebook, reading posts from old school friends on our school’s alumni page. It was the beginning of COVID-19, and like many people, I was spending more time online. A friend suggested that I post a question about my birth mother, just to see if anyone had information. So, I wrote: Does anyone know of a Dorothy Smith who lived on Adams Road in 1952?
Within half an hour, someone responded, mentioning a Dorothy Smith who had moved to Durban, but the age didn’t match. Then, an hour later, I received another message from a man named Victor, who knew a Dorothy Smith. We moved the conversation to a private platform, and that’s when I learned that my birth family had always known about me—they just didn’t know where I was. They had been waiting for me to reach out. That day, I discovered I had a mother, a brother, and a sister.
That must have been an overwhelming moment. What was it like finally making contact with them?
It was surreal. I had found the missing pieces of my puzzle, but because of COVID restrictions, I couldn’t travel to South Africa immediately. I had to wait two and a half years before meeting them in person. During that time, we connected online, talked on the phone, and got to know each other as best we could. Then, on my 78th birthday, in April 2022, I finally met my birth mother in person.
Shirley Beall at home.
"She was angry. She was uncommunicative, difficult, hated being there, hated that we'd made her go there. And luckily my brother and sister saved me because this was one of my fears that I would be rejected," - Shirley Beall.
What was that first meeting with your birth mother like?
It was challenging. Talking to her on the phone before meeting had already been difficult—she was often angry and discontented with life. When I finally saw her, I ran up to give her a hug, but she stood stiff as a board. She wasn’t warm or affectionate. That was hard to process.
Two weeks later, we had a big family gathering. Eighteen of us, including my grandchildren, met at a lodge. It was an incredible experience—something I had never had before. But my mother hated it. She was angry and withdrawn the entire time, which was devastating for me. Thankfully, my brother and sister supported me, and I realized that, even though my mother couldn't give me the acceptance I had hoped for, I had found belonging with them.
That must have been emotionally complex. How did you come to terms with your mother's reaction?
For years, I feared that searching for my birth mother would end in rejection. And, in some ways, it did. I’ve come to understand that her reaction likely stemmed from her own experiences—perhaps she wasn’t supported when she had to give me up, or maybe she had spent decades suppressing that chapter of her life. She grew up in a cold household and wasn’t allowed to speak about the baby she had given away. That must have affected her deeply.
I had imagined that she would be happy to see me, and perhaps she was, but 70 years is a long time. The shock was too great. While she acknowledged me, she wasn’t a warm person, and that was very difficult to accept. Still, I found love and acceptance in my brother and sister, and for that, I am grateful.
Looking back on your journey, what has this experience taught you about family and identity?
It has shown me that family is more than just blood—it’s about connection and acceptance. My adoptive parents gave me love and a wonderful childhood, and my brother and sister have welcomed me with open arms. While I didn’t get the reunion I had dreamed of with my birth mother, I still found pieces of myself in my family history. This journey has been one of resilience, self-discovery, and understanding that sometimes, the answers we seek come in unexpected ways.
